The Dawn of Prosper and the Last Tripe of Teal.

Axe the pansy Wilmslow partly 
deftly garden silt,
Avoid the close distrusted
obfuscated at the hilt!

Retort the broadly Wrexham torte 
erectly farmyard bat,
Colloid the mast constructed
calibrated at the cat!

Keyed the Carly Wycombe mostly 
ghostly kitchen sink, 
Enjoyed the vote lambasted
logarithmic at the link!

Wash the warren Warwick warmly 
ghastly armchair boat,
Annoyed the duck completed
mesmerism at the rote!

Tan the rumble Worcester coldly 
coley castle park,
Destroyed the mouth mistreated
barbarism at the arc!

Cup the cupboard Whitby kind
erratic kennel east,
Convoyed the bean depleted
realistic at the feast!

Ran the flannel Warrington plea
vertically pine,
Ovoid the crease disgusted
imagery at the line!

Wore the Wardrobe Wednesbury shifty 
gritty forest gripe,
Deployed the milk encrusted
cauterising at the hype!

Cut the corduroy Worksop lovely
pushy meadow slash,
Employed the hope suggested
cataracting at the ash!

Hung the herring Woking homely
ringing cafe pace,
Devoid the last infected
mystifying at the lace!

Mix the mosaic Wigan joking
plainly hairy ham, 
Steroid the terrace boring
comminuted at the clam!

Wisp the whipping Whitnash playing 
larded fluffy white,
Baroid the church inflected
elevating at the plight!

Reach the roofing Weybridge gutter 
stutter flutter green,
Oldroyd the plaza potted
underlining at the scene!

Jump the Jelly Wareham trapping 
dropping hopping cold,
Cloyed the window slatted
psychopathic at the hold!

Yule the Yellow Weston handrail
terracotta dream,
Android the lightbulb lonely
melodious at the scheme!

Tweak the garum Whitehill portly 
porking pasty pie,
Unbouyed the landing peachy
terrorising at the eye!

The Seven Swaithes of Swaithington

The first Swaithe he was rather thin,
A facist vegetarian,
He took the people from their towers,
And murdered them all in the showers,
He has no cigars nor hats nor yids,
He has forgotten all our kids.

The second Swaithe he was full of spirit,
He got things done, in all his merit,
He wouldn't let people critise,
He'd turn them into food for flies,
He has no peace nor time nor trams,
He has forgotten all our lambs.

The third Swaithe he was all the rage,
He put the people in a cage,
He drove a car through downtown Dallas,
And ended up in Zeus's palace,
He has no hearts nor spades nor clubs,
He has forgotten all our cubs.

The fourth Swaithe he was fat of face,
He lost a very different race,
He couldn't keep a hold of tapes,
He made himself a Jackanapes,
He has no blood nor pride nor mates,
He's forgotten all our neonates.

The fifth Swaithe she was full of malice,
Her actions were a poisoned chalice,
She closed the places we could work,
She left the men out of the murk,
She has not brave nor kind nor couth,
She has forgotten all our youth.

The sixth Swaithe he was rather brash,
He didn't have a lot of class,
He took the money to the edge,
He delivered less than he could pledge,
He has not hair nor teeth nor skin,
He has forgotten all our kin.

The seventh Swaithe he was fair of face,
And fairly intolerant of race,
He brokered deals with which to lead,
With players of a different seed,
He has no brain nor eyes nor tongue,
He has forgotten all our young.

The Swaithes colluded to butcher our futures,
All alike and all of us sutured,
They took control without response
A likely lonely renaissance,
We have no face nor heel nor repose,
We'll feed and become adipose.

Dancing on the Garden Path

Dancing on the garden path,
The little girl's dead in the bath,
Bloody,
Shitty,
Covered in gritty,
Dancing on the garden path.

Shitting on the Misters chair,
Pulling on the Reverends hair,
Drunken,
Bully,
Violate fully,
Shitting on the Misters chair,

Dragging bodies through the house,
Probably a strangers spouse,
Grab it,
Hit it,
Fuck it till you spill it,
Dragging bodies through the house,

Watching women in the park,
Following one after dark,
Dally,
Alley,
Knife across the Belly,
Watching women in the park,

Dancing on the garden path,
The little girls dead in the bath,
Lovelies,
Pretties,
Oozing stagnant fitties,
Dancing on the garden path.

Meant to Be

When I take you to pieces
I cannot reassemble you
This frustrates me and confuses me
There's not a single screw

With machines this task is simple
I acquire them in the same way
Against their will and for a price
I know how to tame my prey

It brings me joy to take apart
The things that I adore
I butcher them in a loving way
Keep their pieces in a drawer

But I will easily be brought into a rage
foaming round my lips
When i cannot find and instrument
To reattach your hips

I will make you work again
I've tried many times before
The other loves I tried to fix
I keep beneath the floor

When my concentration leaves
I'll go back to my routines
But the time will come when need takes over
And life will need it's lovely scenes

An Evening Excursion

I enjoy my own company
I stand outside in the dark
I eat a variety of different foods

I quite like carrots and peas
I stand at the end of your road
I am not fond of pets

I watch cats in the street
I stand outside your gate
I sit on a bench in the park

I like to feed the ducks
I stand outside your door
I like to visit shops in the morning

I read the daily telegraph
I stand outside your window
I tend to get crisps stuck in my teeth

I like ready salted flavour
I peer into your window
I am punctual with appointments

I do not like to be late
I breathe onto your window
I enjoy watching songs of praise

I like the antiques roadshow
I climb through your window
I quite like it when it's autumn

I like it when the leaves change colour
I stand over you while you sleep
I sometimes eat cake

I like coffee cake
I leer at you while you sleep
I sometimes drink lemonade

I also like cream soda
I creep closer to you in your room
I like to read the dictionary

I also like encyclopedias
I smother you as you struggle
I like pears soap

I like how it smells
I stand over you as you are still
I go to bed when I come home

I leave you alone sometimes
Sometimes I black out

Peace

You're scream is delightful
I enjoy the look of surprise and fear in your eyes
I enjoy the way the gag caresses your soft skin
The beautiful way your hair is scraped back from your face

Your breathing is steady and strained
It flows in time with my heart
You used to wriggle to break free
But you learnt quickly to obey me

The room is dark, lit only by a screen
The perfect scene for a photograph
Black and white like a silent film
Your beauty dazzles the lens

You are like Hepburn in chains
Soon to be Monroe still in a hotel room
We will always have this moment
It's ours to share, captured on a camera film

We will always be together
I will keep you safe forever
I will never let you escape
You will always feel safe

Victoria

Well, it's a fine time to
Leave me at the omnibus stop
And i'll go home knowing you just don't care

It rained and i got wet
But you never sent me a get well card
So i'm gonna leave you in the sand when we fall

I never planned for this to happen
But it did and we can never go back
To the streets where the gas light sing in the night
I've gone and lost my top hat
And you've caught the 'flu

My horse is ready
but yours isn't going steady
The suns breaking welts up all over my skin

The boers are all fighting, and im cowering hiding
do you wish you could go back
to england as well?

I never planned for this to happen
But it did and we can never go back
To the streets where the gas light sing in the night
I've gone and lost my top hat
And you've caught the 'flu

Sorry

wake up

pretty one

i feel like i've got something to say

but i'm speechless

Ensnare

I will set up a honey trap for you
You shall be my bear
It will cripple you and damage you
My sweet controlling snare

I would lock you in a garage
Bound with razor wire
And with a knife so clean and sharp
I'd play you like a lyre

I'd reach my hand into your chest
And hold your heart so tight
I'd even hang you off the eaves
And leave you there all night

And from the deepness of your chest
Flows intoxicating wine
And you shall never get away
You had no choice, that's fine

I couldn't stop, I need you here
You're slowly going cold
But that's ok, together we'll stay
You never shall grow old

I doubt another could show the same
Devotion and affection
I'd clean away the mess so well
We'd always avoid detection

Impedence

This is a situation that is very similar to a set of passive speakers which have an impedence of 4Ohms
Rated at 25w each
Involved with an audio amplifer which has an impedence of 8Ohms
Output of 100w
It will not work correctly
In all likelyhood the speakers will infact, malfunction
This would not happen
If the instructions were followed to the letter
and the system were set up thusly:
"The speakers and the amplifer should have a matching impedence and wattage value"

This is a situation that is very similar to an internal combustion engine that is tuned to run on diesel
Rated at 98Bhp
Involved with an inept fuel insertion operative, also known as a driver
Output of 38hours per weeek
It will not work correctly
In all likelyhood the operative will infact, insert petrol into the fuel tank
This would not happen
If the instructions were followed to the letter
and the system were set up thusly:
"Never put petrol into a diesel vehicle, and vice versa"

You are Mine

You are 1000 wasted office hours when the server crashes
You are the dull headache from staring into a monitor in a darkened room
You sap the joy out of life just by lighting up peoples eyes
You are mine

You are the frustration involved in a complicated piece of software engineering
You are the coffee spilt into the cracks in the keyboard, causing the function of the keyboard to be nullified
You are the mouse wheel that no longer scrolls in only one direction
You are mine

You are the stress created from missing a deadline by a mere few seconds
You are the internet disconnection that happens with just 10 megabytes of a 3 gigabyte upload left
You are the tickets that sell out because your internet connection is not as good as somebody elses
You are mine

You are the broken fuse box during one of the busiest business days of the year
You are the headphones that only work through one side of the headset
You are the dead pixel in the middle of a computer monitor
You are mine

You are the error message on the only cash machine for miles
You are the only flight pending on a departures board
You are the skin and sweat trapped under the the button of a video games console controller causing it to cease function
You are mine

Order

I require a neatly organised set of functions with correct syntax.
If I do not have a neatly organised set of functions with correct syntax I must intrude your space with an incomprehensible error message.
"Invalid syntax at line 2937 expected ' ; '"
Though this brings me some notion of use and worth it infuriates and provides additional futility to your existence.
This makes you grab the nearest sharp instrument and plough it into your temple:
You are not complete.
Once I have a neatly organised set of functions I am complete.

Operations Manual

"Instruction one,
first please make sure you have all the items listed"
In this case, this is not the case
This is therefore a futile exercise
There is no need to carry on with the rest of the instructions
The item must be returned or the missing parts must be ordered
This will take additional time.

Some weeks later the missing parts arrive.
"Instruction one,
first please make sure you have all the items listed,
Instruction two,
you will need the listed tools"
The required tool are not available
This is therefore a futile exercise
The frustration makes you plough a screwdriver into your temple.
The exercise has been very futile indeed.


Watch this in it's full animated glory at:
http://www.youtube.com/bernardsbook