Cosmopolitan Ice Cream

Didn't we have a lovely time in Espana?

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We air dried a ham, our stomachs were numb

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with a herd of rampaging bulls

The time we spent

So far away

In Espana

Didn't we have a lovely time in Francia?

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We butchered a goose, our feces was loose

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with a bowl of onion soup

The time we spent

So far away

In Francia

Didn't we have a lovely time in America?

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We ate lots of meat, our sphincters were weak

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We walked down a street with a bottle of mountain dew

The time we spent

So far away

In America

Didn't we have a lovely time in Italia?

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We drank lots of wine, our bowels were fine

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with corporate corruption

The time we spent

So far away

In Italia

Didn't we have a lovely time in Canada

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We ate maple trees, our stools were neat

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with a moose and a caribou

The time we spent

So far away

In Canada

Didn't we have a lovely time in Somalia

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We tried to eat, our colons would leak

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with a guns pointed at our backs

The time we spent

So far away

In Somalia

Didn't we have a lovely time in Syria

Didn't we have some lovely fun and games?

We ate some tagine, our intestines were lean

We were never quite sure what the locals were for

We ran down a street with some unpopular local movement

The time we spent

so far away

In Syria

Devoid

1 yes
2 yes
3 yes
4 no
5 yes
6 yes
7 yes
8 yes
9 no
10 no
11 yes
12 no
13 yes

The Last

This is time

we had it all

we had so much time

but then we fall

back in time

This is life

we had some joy

we had so much life

but then we crawl

back in life

This is us

we had the best

we had so much us

but then we brawl

back in us

This is peace

we had a feast

we had so much peace

but then we bawl

back in peace

This is death

this is the last

we had so much death

but then we pall

back in death

Men That Have Given Up

What's all this trouble?

The virtue is double!

The winter sprays frost

On this ground

A gossip to gabble?

To settle this rabble!

A nap would do well

When it's found

A bad place to hide?

An army to ride!

A trip that's as rough

As a hound

A snippet of wisdom?

To capture this Kingdom!

To splinter the

Fortress we downed

Things Portioned out Appropriately

Pots and pans

And German flans

A hat for the Master!

A hat!

A shovel for the Knave who is keeping pace

and a hand for the bard who rang

Ducks and geese

And Angora fleece

A sprat for the Master!

A sprat!

Some coal for the Knave who is keeping score

and a fly for the bard who'll hang

Cats and dogs

And Frankish frogs

A steak for the Master!

A steak!

A rind for the Knave who is keeping time

and a thrash for the bard who sang

Sheep and pigs

And Turkish figs

A pipe for the Master!

A pipe!

A slat for the Knave who is keeping guard

and a ditch as a grave for the bard

Maybe, Just Maybe

I didn't have a song

I didn't want to sing

I didn't do it wrong

I didn't buy a ring

I didn't have the time

I didn't want to spend

I didn't have the spine

I didn't want to bend

I didn't wear the watch

I didn't give away

I didn't burn the hatch

I didn't want to play

I didn't pack the case

I didn't leave behind

I didn't watch this space

I didn't feel inclined

I didn't have a choice

I didn't want to make

I didn't raise my voice

I didn't leave the wake

I didn't have a plan

I didn't want to seal

I didn't join the clan

I didn't hear the peal

I didn't have a bow

I didn't take the horn

I didn't want to know

I didn't have to warn

I didn't stay on top

I didn't sit back down

I didn't slice the spot

I didn't want to crown

I didn't cross the cord

I didn't leave the room

I didn't get that bored

I didn't see the moon

I didn't catch the latch

I didn't even wait

I didn't bake the batch

I didn't want to take

I didn't hear you out

I didn't have a clue

I didn't wear your doubt

I didn't snatch the crew

I didn't want to teach

I didn't have a ball

I didn't drink the bleach

I didn't drink it all

I didn't have the will

I didn't have the might

I didn't want to spill

I didn't want to fight

I didn't want it all

I didn't want it all

I didn't want it all

Routine Allegations

That one, that one, that one there
Guilty, guilty, with no flair
Heavens sent the answers to me
Took my reason and ran it through me
Guarded through a dreary night
Who will stand with me to fight

That one, that one, that one there
Guilty, guilty, with no heir
Judgement lost my thoughts defined
Shook my slander and left me blind
Guarded by a blackguard Knight
Assessed the lies and made it right

I Left you There

We skipped across the moonlit lawn

Your porcelain hand in mine

I remember the day that we first met

Sends shivers down my spine

I watched you through the patchwork cloth

Your smile was my delight

I took the key beneath your mat

I stole you in the night

I bound your wrists with nylon rope

The kind that leaves a scar

I forced your hunched and crumpled form

Into my waiting car

We drove all night, we drove so far

We drove until the shore

I held your lovely supple neck

I made you whisper 'more'

I held you tight as youwould fight

I held you in the brine

I took you home so you could murmur

A delighted shallow whine

You sat in stoney silence dear

With a glassy vacant stare

I whispered in your china ear

We made our peace right there

I took your hands and feet apart

I washed you in the bath

I placed you on the mantelpiece

So you could always laugh

We skipped across the moonlit lawn

Your porcelain hand in mine

I left you on the garden bench

My sweet and cold divine

Je ne Sais Pas?

We Danced

We Danced

A Merry Dance

And Sprayed our Piss

All over France

Mais oui

Mais oui

Une peu de rise

Mais oui

Mais oui

Un peu poli

Recipe for Success

Put a slip of butter in a Neighbour's dog
There really is no better place to hide
Saute it up in a pan full of hairy toes
There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success

Hang a loaf of orange coated emu leg
Over a plate of dirty knees
Saute it up in a pan full of kidney stones

There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success

Write a note to someone that you do not know
In permanent marker on a pig
Saute it up in a pan full of pelvic bones
There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success

Douse your house in petroleum and kerosene
Make love to the liquid with a flame
Saute it up in a pan full of melted skin
There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success

Chop a boat with garlic and some parsley leaves
Add a pinch of disobedient nose
Saute it up in a pan full of pointy pins
There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success

Take a banker home and fill his eyes with wire
Batter him with briefcase and an egg
Saute it up in a pan full of judge's wigs
There's more to go but you should just know this
There really is no other way to attain some bliss
Than following to the letter this recipe for success


Watch a pointless populist television show
Add your knuckled fist into the screen
Saute it up in a pan full of empty dreams
Then you must wait,
And you must stay,
And you must work and work every single day,
There's bills to pay.
And there's your bliss, that's it.
Just following this recipe for success.

Cooking up a Bowl of Sweet Surprise

Tick tock, butter clock,
Covered up in chicken stock
Frothing broth and yellow carpet flies
Zipped up, fishy slop
Doused and splattered springy bok
Sizzling and rotting in the sun

An egg on the one hand
And several slides of acetate
Melted and sticking to the floor
Severed fingers
Several engagement rings
Added to the pot
When will the fun stop
Cooking up a bowl of sweet surprise

Sick sock, gutted cock,
Deathbed daughters bloody frock
Burning hair that's sticking to the pan
Hung up, horses clop,
Whipped up chips of beech tree bark
Crunchy with a hint of slimy moss

An eye on the one hand
And several balls of cotton wool
Fluffy like a bag of mouldy figs
Severed noses
Several plastic roses
Added to the pot
When will the fun stop
Cooking up a bowl of sweet surprise

Licked frog, sample tubs
Rich and rather soggy mud
Cow pats fresh and steaming from the field
Duck beak, cans of teak
Warm and smelly Irish peat
Bottles full of aromatic fuel

A knot on the one hand
And several sheets of office notes
Sticky like the most delicious glue
Severed elbows
Several insurance claims
Added to the pot
When will the fun stop
Cooking up a bowl of sweet surprise

Noonday Celebration

We sang and we sang
We rejoiced it to the land
And we burned all our backs
We were flayed
On the morning of the day
When the money ran away
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands

Hats made of soot and a barrel of guts
Slivers of soggy bread
Jackets of fleece covered in grease
Biscuits made out of coal

Houses of sugar, tickets of butter
Pouches of mayonnaise
Flour and fleas, smothered with bees
Plaster of Paris pie

We sang and we sang
We rejoiced it to the land
And we burned all our backs
We were flayed
On the morning of the day
When the money ran away
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands

Sweets made of tallow, pickled sparrow
Portions of yellow mold
Cupcakes of cheese, drizzled with sneeze
Gallons of eggy tea

Butchered pumpkins, slices of bumpkins
Rotten and wormy wood
Dollops of feces, arsenic quiches
Turkey and chicken quills


We sang and we sang
We rejoiced it to the land
And we burned all our backs
We were flayed
On the morning of the day
When the money ran away
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands
Aubergine hands

This Jolliness Made for Two

A hand on a puppet to cover the whippet
This jolliness made for two
A song on a ticket to shove where you'd stick it
This jolliness made for two

I took my own fair hand
I walked myself through my land
I showed myself a wonderful place
I stabbed, I hit, I murdered a bit

A spine on a racquet to topple a basket
This jolliness made for two
A line on a jacket to auction a ratchet
This jolliness made for two

I took myself to tea
I stumbled and sprayed out my pee
I slowly took a wall to my face
I punched, I kicked, I murdered a bit

A torque on a packet to open a lancet
This jolliness made for two
A hawk on a snippet to bind it and lick it
This jolliness made for two

A Hat for Spite

A hat to cover your hair dear
A hair to cover your head
A sink to cover your taps dear
A tap to cover your lead
A trap to cover your lies dear
A lie to cover your ground
A snip to cover your foot dear
A foot to cover your hound

A plate to shatter your dreams dear
A dream to shatter your life
A place to shatter your mind dear
A mind to shatter your knife
A tree to shatter your peace dear
A peace to shatter your war
A nut to shatter your ears dear
An ear to shatter your whore

An egg to swallow your pride dear
A pride to swallow your meat
A house to swallow your grease dear
A grease to swallow your heat
A mat to swallow your mind dear
A mind to swallow your lies
A hope to swallow your work dear
A work to swallow the flies

Who put up and shut up?

Who put the cat in Catalan?
Who put the bar in Bard?
Who placed the vow inside a vowel?
Who wrote the car in card?

Who put the came in camel toe?
Who put the sit in site?
Who placed the rig in trigonometry?
Who wrote the light in slight?

Who put the rear in dreary day?
Who put the rim in trim?
Who placed the ace in keeping pace?
Who wrote the him in whim?

Who put the helm in underwhelmed?
Who put the word in sword?
Who placed the fin in finish line?
Who wrote the oar in board?

Who put the hat in chitter chat?
Who put the hi in high?
Who placed the dole in condolences?
Who wrote the pry in spry?

Who put the hand in shandy bass?
Who put the tern in stern?
Who placed the rate in demonstrate?
Who put the earn in learn? 

The Gardeners Round

Tawdry Raucous piddle and caucus
Attic and rabbit and pan
Ripple pimple stimulant lintel
Rubbished and tarnished he grunts

Rumble jungle Violent uncle
Havent you got a japan?
lovely comely travelled abruptly
Fiddled the nimble account

Circus circus vegetable circus
Habit the spittle sojourn
Circus circus alightingly circus
Rubble the wedlock auberge

(repeat ad infinitum)